Where I Am

I began this blog back in August with excitement and intention and the hope that it would be a tool in my effort to start again. Truth is, my intentions and hopes sometimes take a back seat. Life is hard. Life is busy. Life is different than years past.

To be honest, life is a struggle. I struggle with being a good wife. I struggle with learning to be a mom. I struggle with unemployment. I struggle with tight finances. I struggle with living a no frills life. I struggle with comparing. I struggle with depression. I struggle with loneliness. I struggle with withdrawal. I struggle with people who don't understand. I struggle with people who judge. I struggle with people who preach. I struggle with being a friend. I struggle with friends. I struggle with trust. I struggle with knowing my purpose. I struggle with my abilities. I struggle with my flaws. I struggle with wanting something better.

I struggle with understanding why God has given me this hard life. But then I think back to when I was a child, to what I have been taught. I've been taught that God is always here, always with me. I've been taught that Jesus is my always and forever Friend. I've been taught that Jesus died for me and rose again and paid the price for my sins so that I can have eternal and abundant life. I've been taught to cast all my cares on Him because He cares for me, to lay all my burdens at His feet. I've been taught to trust and obey. So that is what I am doing... each day, each hour, each moment. God has taught me that I can come to Him as I am, where I am, however, I am feeling. He tells me, "Come as you are." He knows my struggles, and He just wants me to come and draw close to Him. He wants me to let Him have my fear, doubt, anger, and depression. He wants to give me peace and contentment and joy again. He wants me to take a step forward and do what He asks me to do in my current situation.

So I do my best to be a good wife, a mom, a singer, a bib-maker. I do what I can to find employment and help our family. I do my best to overlook people's flaws, including my own, and I look for opportunities to show I care and use my abilities. I show thanks to God, to my family, and to my friends for encouraging, helping, and being here for me. I look for the blessings in my life.

This is where I am. This is where God has me. This is where I am learning, through this difficult, gray season of life. But just like any season, this soon will pass and change to something new and better.